The Pony Emperor's New Groove
by MWolfL
Summary: Emperor Cheeso thinks the world revolves around him, but thanks to the actions of his advisor Suri he is forced to rethink his point of view.
1. Cheeso's Groove

A.N. This is the first of the many parodies that were inspired by Sirius-Writer's fanart on deviantART, a lot of which she gave me permission to do (some I'm not gonna do because I don't know the films well enough or simply wasn't interested). She did two for The Emperor's New Groove, one with Cheese Sandwich as Kuzco and another with Bulk Biceps as Kronk.

I then figured out the rest, including Suri Polomare as Yzma. I know their personalities don't entirely match, but they both are ambitious and willing to lie to get what they want. Plus I figured that for this parody Suri could be much older and bitter - plus a little crazy - from having failed in the fashion industry only to discover that she was good at making potions. Then she used that to worm her way into the royal court, eventually becoming Cheese's - called Cheeso for the sake of the first song - royal advisor.

Also I haven't given up on my main stories, it's just that Sirius-Writer has been waiting months for these parodies and I figured doing a fun parody would be a good way to get back in the flow of writing fanfics. So with that said...

A thunderstorm boomed over a jungle far away. Deep in the jungle sat a miserable looking golden-furred dog with curly brown hair covering his neck and a brown tail. Normally his green eyes were bright with energy and joy, but now they were dull with sorrow and regret.

An extra-loud thunder startled him before rain drenched him to the bone, causing him to whimper. He went over to a huge leaf for shelter, but the leaf became filled with water and ended up drenching him even more.

 _Will you take a look at that? Pretty pathetic huh? Well you'll never believe it but that dog you're looking at was once an Earth pony. And not just any Earth pony, that guy was an emperor. A rich powerful ball of charisma, oh yeah! This is his story. Well, actually my story. That's right, I'm that dog. The name is Cheeso. Emperor Cheeso. I was the world's nicest guy and they ruined my life for no reason! Oh is that hard to believe? Well I tell you what, you go back a ways, you know, before I was a dog, and this will all make sense._

It all started when Cheeso was a little foal who was playing with his chicken doll-

 _Uh, MWolfL, that's a little too far back. Ohhh look at me, that's me as a foal, look how cute-_

*ahem* Anyway, it really started when adult pony Cheeso combed his mane before flicking the comb back into it's holder. He then tossed his crown into the air and neatened an eyebrow before his crown fell neatly onto his head.

"Oh yeah." Cheeso posed.

He then started walking down a blue carpet that was being laid by a servant. A little filly servant spread flower petals into the carpet in front of him as an unknown voice began singing:

There are despots and dictators  
Political manipulators  
There are blue bloods with the intellects of fleas

There are kings and petty tyrants  
Who are so lacking in refinements  
They'd be better suited swinging from the trees

Cheeso then clapped his hooves and a bunch of servants carved out a doorway for him to walk through. He clapped again, and another servant picked him up in a chair and carried him up a long staircase to one of his thrones.

He was born and raised to rule  
No one has ever been this cool  
In a thousand years of aristocracy

An enigma and a mystery  
In Meso Equestrian History  
The quintessence of perfection that is he

Cheeso opened a new building, used a stamp to kiss a few babies, and christened a new ship. He was exhausted from this, so the servants wiped his forehead, fanned him, and gave him water to gargle with. After that he repositioned himself so that he could lie down on his throne.

 _Okay this is the real me. Not a dog, a pony. A hip stallion not a mangy mutt. Royal = winner, canine = loser. Okay now my palace? Everyone in it is in my command. Check this out._

"Butler." Cheeso clapped his hooves.

The butler tied a napkin around his neck.

"Chef." Cheeso clapped his hooves.

A huge feast was prepared for him.

"Theme song guy." Cheeso clapped his hooves.

A short stallion with a huge mane-do appeared out of the cake and continued the song:

Oh yeah!  
He's the sovereign of the nation  
He's the hippest cat in creation  
He's the alpha, the omega, a to z

Cheeso then clapped his hooves again and a bunch of servants appeared with forks and plates full of food. They began feeding hm.

And this perfect world will spin  
Around his every little whim  
'Cause this perfect world begins and ends with

"Me!" Cheeso grinned as he pointed at himself.

What's his name?  
Cheeso  
That's his name  
Cheeso  
He's the king of the world  
Cheeso  
Is he hip or what?  
Cheeso  
Yeah!

Cheeso started doing a hip dance, but when he did a backwards walk he bumped into an old stallion.

"Oh, you threw off my groove!" Cheeso pouted.

"I'm sorry, but you threw off the emperor's groove." A soldier told the old stallion.

"Sorry!" The old man called as he was tossed out the window.

"You were saying?" Cheeso asked the theme song guy.

What's his name?  
Cheeso  
Cheeso  
That's his name  
Cheeso  
Cheeso  
Is he hip or what?  
Cheeso  
Don't you know he's the king of the world  
Cheeso  
Uh-huh, yeah! Oh!

Cheeso now was dancing on a stage with a bunch of soldiers as backup dancers. He then danced down a path gesturing for all the servants there to bow to him, which they did. Then when he reached the doors at the other end...

"Ha! Boom baby!" He kicked them open.

A fancier-looking servant there made a startled noise, but recovered.

"Your highness, it is time for you to choose your bride." He said.

"All righty, trot out the ladies." Cheeso went over to a lineup of seven princesses. "Let's take a look see. Hate your hair, not likely, yikes, yikes, and let me guess you have a great personality." He finished sarcastically before going over to the servant. "Is this really the best you can do?"

"Well yes, oh no, well I mean perhaps..." The servant stammered nervously.

" _What is he babbling about? He's like the thing that wouldn't shut up._ " Cheeso thought to himself irritatedly.


	2. Cheeso's Enemies - Maybe

_Anyway, still wondering about that dog in the beginning? Well let me show you the ponies responsible for ruining my life. First there's Big Macintosh, usually called Big Mac. Kinda makes you hungry huh?_

A red large stallion wearing a green poncho and tan hat walked up the stairs to the palace. He stopped at a soldier.

"Uh excuse me, I'm here to see Emperor Cheeso. You see I got this summons-" He said.

"Inside up the stairs and to the left." The soldier interrupted irritatedly. "Just follow the signs."

"Oh...great." Big Mac smiled. "Thanks a lot."

 _Uh, and don't be confused by the folksy peasant look._

Big Mac continued on until a horseshoe hit him on the head. He caught it and looked at it confusedly.

"Uh pardon me, that's mine." A hoof above him gestured for it.

"Oh, here you go." Big Mac gave it back to him.

"Thank you." The old stallion from before, tangled in a banner, said.

"You're welcome." Big Mac waved before continuing on...and then did a double-take and helped the old stallion down. "Oh! Hey are you all right?"

"You are very kind." The old stallion said gratefully.

"What happened?" Big Mac asked.

"Well I-I threw off the emperor's groove."

"His what?"

"His groove, the rhythm in which he lives his life, his pattern of behavior! I threw it off and the emperor had me thrown out the window!" The old stallion shuddered.

"Oh...really, I'm supposed to see him-" Big Mac said concernedly.

"Don't throw off his groove!" The old stallion cried, grabbing Big Mac by the poncho.

"Uh, okay." Big Mac said mostly to get him to let go.

"Beware the groove..." The old stallion left.

"Hey, are you gonna be all right?" Big Mac asked concernedly.

Despite still being freaked out by the groove, the old stallion waved to confirm that he will be.

 _You see what I mean? This guy's trouble. But as bad as he is, he is nothing compared to what is coming up next._

Sitting in Cheeso's main throne was a lavender very old mare with purple hair and an elaborate spiky purple gown.

"And why have you come here today?" She asked peasant standing below the throne.

"Well y-your highness, I mean your grace..." The peasant nervously began.

 _Okay gang check out this piece of work. This is Suri, the emperor's advisor. Living proof that prehistoric ponies once roamed the Earth. And let's not forget Suri's right-hoof stallion. Every decade or so she gets a new one. This year's model is Bulk._

A bug buzzed around them, causing them to try to shoo it away.

"Yeah I got that there Suri." Bulk, a muscular white pegasus with tiny wings, said.

The bug landed on his face, so he tried to smack it...only to knock himself down instead.

 _Yup, that's Bulk. Now lately Suri's gotten into this bad habit of trying to run the country behind my back, and I'm thinking 'that's gotta stop'._

"It is no concern of mine whether your family has- what was it again?" Suri said.

"Um, food." The peasant said.

"Ha! You really should have thought of that before you became peasants! We're through here, take him away. Next!"

"But I-" The peasant was cut off by two soldiers grabbing him by the forelegs. "Okay."

"The nerve of some of those peasants, huh?" Cheeso said.

"Tell me about it..." Suri groaned...before realizing who just spoke; with a startled scream, she leapt off the throne.

"Hi there." Cheeso smirked as he waved to her.

"Your highness." Suri smiled nervously.

Cheeso cleared his throat irritatedly, and Suri dusted the seat of the throne.

"Uh, you were doing it again." Cheeso frowned.

"Doing? Doing doing doing what?" Suri grinned nervously.

"Doing my job. I'm the emperor, and you're the emperor's advisor. Remember that?"

"Oh but your highness, I was only dealing with meaningless peasant matters..." Suri started to explain.

" _Whoa, look at those wrinkles. What is holding this mare together? What the- How long has that leaf been in her teeth?_ "

"Hey good thinking Suri, what do you think Cheeso?" Bulk playfully punched him on the shoulder.

"Whoa no touchy!" Cheeso bared his hooves defensively. "No touchy! No touch."

"Excuse me your highness, the village leader is here to see you." Another servant appeared below the throne.

"Oh great send him in!" Cheeso smiled before turning to Suri. "Oh and by the way you're fired."

"Fired?" Suri cried. "Wh-wh-what do you mean fired?"

"Uh how else can I say it?" Cheeso clapped his hooves and another secretary came in to write out Suri's pink slip. "You're being let go, your department's being downsized, you're part of an outplacement, we're going in a different direction, we're not picking up your option. Take your pick, I got more."

Suri stammered as the secretary gave her the pink slip and then collapsed into the throne.

"But your highness, I have been nothing if not loyal to the empire for-for many many years." Suri pointed out.

"Hey everypony hits their stride. You just hit yours fifty years ago." Cheeso replied. "So, who's in my chair?"

"Oh oh oh, I know! Suri! Suri's in your chair right?" Bulk said excitedly.

"Very good Bulk." Cheeso praised before taking a cookie out of his robe. "Here, get the snack."

He tossed it, and Bulk tried to catch it in his mouth but he fell down the stairs instead.

"I'm okay!" He called.

"Okay you heard the stallion, up up up!" Cheeso ordered.

Suri reluctantly and angrily got out of the throne and walked away grumbling. Cheeso then got comfortable in his throne.

"Okay, show him in." He smiled.

"Um, excuse me your highness, I'm here because I got this summons-" Big Mac began as he walked into the throne room.

"Hey there he is, my main village stallion!" Cheeso grinned.

"Um, Macintosh, though ponies usually call me Big Mac."

"Big Mac, right, you are just the stallion I wanted to see."

"I am?"

"Word on the street is you can fix my problem." Cheeso said before sliding down one of the pendulums that were installed to give him a quicker way down. "You can fix my problem, can't you?"

"Sure I'll...do what I can." Big Mac shrugged, not having any idea what he could help the emperor with.

"Good, good, that's just what I wanted to hear." Cheeso patted Big Mac on the back as he led him to another room. "Are you aware of just how important your village is to the empire?"

"Well I know we grow the crops that you use here in the palace. We also herd the dogs that you use to-"

Inside that room was an elaborate curtain hiding something. Cheeso pulled a rope to reveal a miniature replica of Big Mac's village.

"My village?" Big Mac said confusedly.

"Oh yeah, that's a pretty sweet setup up there on top of that hill doncha?" Cheeso chuckled, playfully nudging Big Mac with his elbow.

"Yeah, my family has lived on that hilltop for the last six generations." Big Mac smiled proudly.

"Uh-huh...so tell me, where do you find you get the most sun?" Cheeso asked.

"Oh I'd say just on the other side of those trees. When the sun hits that ridge just right, these hills sing."

"Well that settles it." Cheeso smiled.

"What?"

"Yup, problem solved, thanks for coming."

"That's it? That's all you wanted me for?"

"Yeah I just needed an insider's opinion before I okayed this spot for my pool."

"Uh, your pool?"

Cheeso slammed a model of a large building onto the top of the hill, knocking off the model of Big Mac's house in the process.

"Boo ya! Welcome to Cheesotopia, my ultimate summer getaway! Complete with water slide."

"What?"

"Isn't it great? It's my birthday gift to me!" Cheeso grinned before hugging the model. "I'm so happy..."

Big Mac stammered a bit, trying to process this, but failed.

"I don't understand how this could happen." He said, growing irritated; he then tried to put the model of his house back together.

"Well let me clear it up for you: at my birthday celebration tomorrow, I will give the word, and your village will be destroyed to make way for this." Cheeso pressed a button that caused confetti to shoot out of the model of Cheesotopia as flags raised out of it; he then went to Big Mac and knocked the replica of his house out of his hoof. "So if I were you I'd pick up some change of address forms on the way out."

"But-but, um, where will we live?" Big Mac asked, now concerned; Cheeso couldn't be that heartless right?

"Hmm...don't know don't care, how's that?" Cheeso smiled.

Oh yes he could.

"Uh but wait you can't-" Big Mac angrily said, only to be cut off by two soldiers and their spears.

Cheeso heard this and went back to him.

"When I give the word, your little town-thingy will be 'bye-bye'." He smirked. "Bye bye."

The soldiers forcibly showed Big Mac out as he still tried to protest.

 _Oh yeah, everything was going my way._

The scene then cut to a bust of Cheeso being smashed with a mallet.

 _Or, so I thought._


	3. A Plan Starts Off on the Wrong Paw

Yup, Suri was in some underground chamber smashing Cheeso busts that Bulk put on a pedestal one at a time.

"He can't get rid of me that easily." Suri grumbled. "Who does that ungrateful little worm think he is? Does he-? A little to the left."

Bulk pushed the bust more into the middle of the pedestal, and Suri smashed it.

"-Have any idea of who he's dealing with?" Suri continued. "How could he do this to me, why I practically raised him."

"Yeah you think he would've turned out better." Bulk remarked.

"Yeah, go figure." Suri said after a pause.

"Well it's better your taking your anger out on these things instead of the real Cheeso huh?"

"That's it Bulk, that's it! I'll get rid of Cheeso!" Suri laughed.

"The real Cheeso?"

"Of course the real Cheeso!" Suri frowned, pushing Bulk aside. "Don't you see, it's perfect! With him out of the way and no heir to the throne I'll take over and rule the empire! Brilliant!"

"So how does that work with you being fired and all?"

"The only ones who know about that are the three of us, soon to be the two of us."

"And I'm one of those two right?" Bulk smiled.

"To the secret lab!" Suri ignored him.

They went over to a carving of a weird-looking head with two fangs on the lower jaw.

"Pull the lever Bulk!" Suri ordered.

Bulk pulled down one of the fangs...and Suri fell down a trapdoor.

"Wrong lever!" She snapped as she fell.

"Oops." Bulk winced, hating that he could never remember which lever to pull.

Suri then came out of a door that slid up, all wet and with a crocodile biting on her gown.

"Why do we even have that letter?" Suri grumbled before slapping the crocodile; the crocodile whimpered and headed back to the water. "Get out of my way!"

Suri then pulled the right lever and they were flipped onto a round roller coaster-like cart. A bar in the cart went down.

"Please remain seated, and keep your arms and legs in at all times." A mechanical voice said.

The cart zoomed down a stone path. Suri rode the ride with a determined expression but Bulk cheered and stuck his hooves into the air.

"Faster faster! Suri, put your hooves in the air!" Bulk laughed.

They then landed and flipped out of the cart and onto the floor wearing lab coats, black rubber gloves and boots, and dark goggles. They high-hoofed before going over to Suri's potions table.

"Ah how should I do it?" Suri grinned evilly. "Oh I know, I'll turn him into a flea. A harmless little flea. Then I'll put that flea in a box, and then I'll put that box inside another box, and then I'll mail it to myself and when it arrives I'll smash it with a hammer!" She laughed. "It's brilliant brilliant I tell you, genius I say!"

She accidentally knocked over a vial as she gestured her excitement, causing the liquid inside to fall onto a plant. The plant instantly went black and keeled over.

"Or to save on postage I'll just poison him with this." Suri decided, holding the vial. "Take it Bulk, feel the power."

"Oh, I can feel it." Bulk smiled.

"Our moment of triumph approaches," Suri laughed evilly. "It's dinnertime!"

A bit later on, Bulk had just finished setting the table by lighting a couple candles.

"So, is everything ready for tonight?" Suri smiled, now dressed in a black gown with purple feathers.

"Oh yeah I thought we'd start off with soup and a light salad and see how we feel after that." Bulk smiled back, causing Suri's smile to fade.

"Not the dinner." She frowned. "The...you know..."

"Oh right the poison, the poison for Cheeso, the poison chosen specially to kill Cheeso, Cheeso's poison." Bulk then paused for a moment. "That poison?"

"Yes that poison!" Suri snapped.

"Gotcha ya covered." Bulk took a small vial out from under his apron.

"Excellent! A few drops in his drink, then I'll propose a toast, and he'll be dead before dessert." Suri grinned at the vial.

"Which is a real shame because it's gonna be delicious." Bulk remarked.

Suri just gave him an annoyed look.

Cheeso then burst in.

"Boom bam baby!" He grinned before sitting down. "Let's get to the grub, I am one hungry king of the world. So, no hard feelings about being let go?" He then asked Suri.

"None whatsoever." Suri fake-smiled. "Bulk, get the emperor a drink."

"Right." Bulk said before getting it. "Riiiigght." He winked at her.

He went over to a table that had three cups on it, poured the drinks, and then poured the poison into one of them. An explosive puff of pink smoke appeared from the one with the poison, causing Bulk to look back and grin sheepishly, but Cheeso didn't even blink. Bulk then came back with the drinks on a tray, making sure that the one with the poison was separate from the others.

"You highness." Bulk moved the separated one towards Cheeso.

"Is something burning?" Cheeso asked after sniffing suspiciously.

"My spinach puffs!" Bulk gasped, setting the drinks down and rushing for the kitchen.

There was an awkward pause as Cheeso and Suri waited for him to come back.

"So he seems...nice." Cheeso said awkwardly.

"He is." Suri chuckled nervously.

"He's what...in his late twenties?"

"I'm not sure." Suri chuckled with a nervous grin.

"Saved them!" Bulk beamed as he came back with the spinach puffs.

Cheeso and Suri congratulated him, Cheeso even applauding a little.

"Watch it, they're still hot." Bulk warned as he started serving the puffs.

Suri cleared her throat, trying to get Bulk's attention.

"Bulk, the emperor needs his...drink." She said with a hinting tone.

"Right." Bulk reached for the drinks before remembering: "Oh, riiigght." He winked again.

He reached for the drinks, only to realize that he couldn't remember which one had the poison in it. He grabbed them and rushed to the table behind Cheeso, causing Suri to facehoof.

"Hey Bulky, everything okay back there?" Cheeso asked impatiently, getting kinda thirsty as well as hungry.

"The drinks are a little on the warm side." Bulk covered, finding out to his horror that there was no more poison.

However he got the idea to mix the drinks together in a vase that was on the table, then he poured the mixed drinks into the cups and brought them back.

"Hey did you see that sky today, talk about blue." Bulk tried to cover up the awkward pause.

"Yes Bulk...riveting." Suri hid her temper as she took her drink. "A toast, to the emperor. Long live Cheeso!"

Cheeso drank his, but Bulk quietly warned Suri not to so she dunked hers into a nearby cactus and Bulk pretended to drink only to let the liquid fall onto his shoulder.

"Ah, tasty." Cheeso grinned before doing a face-plant onto the table.

"Finally." Suri chuckled quietly. "Good work Bulk."

"Oh they're so easy to make, I'll get you the recipe." Bulk smiled, thinking she was talking about his spinach puffs.

"And now to get rid of the body." Suri ignored him.

"Okay!" Cheeso suddenly burst upright, to Suri's shock. "What were we saying?"

"Uh, uh, we were just making a toast to your long and-"

Suri was caught off-guard by Cheeso suddenly sprouting floppy dog ears in place of his normal pony ones. Even Bulk shrugged at this.

"And healthy rule." Suri finished, working hard to act as if nothing was wrong.

"Right. So what're you gonna do?" Cheeso then asked as his pony neck became furrier. "I mean you've been around here a long time, I really mean a long time."

Suri grabbed a couple pieces of broccoli and started hitting one with the other to hint to Bulk to hit Cheeso on the head.

"It might be a bit difficult for someone of your age adjusting to life in the private sector." Cheeso continued as one hoof turned into a paw and his muzzle became squarer. "Hey Bulk, can you top me off pal, be a friend?" Cheeso then held up his cup with a chuckle.

"Hit him on the head." Suri said through her teeth, growing impatient.

"More broccoli?" Bulk held up another platter confusedly.

Irritated, Suri punched one hoof into another. Bulk now got it and hit Cheeso on the head with the platter, knocking him unconscious.

"What? A dog? He's supposed to be dead!" Suri cried angrily.

"Yeah, weird." Bulk frowned confusedly.

"Let me see that vial." Suri glared.

Bulk gave it to her and she noticed that the label on it was folded, so she unfolded it to reveal it's true contents.

"This isn't poison, this is extract of dog!" Suri snapped, tossing the vial so that it bonked Bulk on the head.

"You know in my defense all your poisons all look alike, you should think about relabeling some of them." Bulk pointed out.

"Take him out of town and finish the job now!" Suri ordered.

"But what about dinner?" Bulk asked.

"Bulk, this is kind of important." Suri tried not to lose her temper again.

"How about dessert?" Bulk suggested, starting to look disappointed.

Suri was about to snap at him, but reconsidered.

"Well I suppose there's time for dessert." She decided.

"And coffee?" Bulk asked hopefully.

"All right a quick cup of coffee." Suri gave in. "THEN TAKE HIM OUT OF TOWN AND FINISH THE JOB!"

After dessert and coffee, Bulk carried a sack out of the palace while doing an improv dance and tune routine.

 _Guess where I am right now? Uh-huh, in the bag. Still think I'm not the victim here? Watch, it gets better. Oh, he's doing his own theme music?_

Bulk was, and held it on pause as he backed up against the wall, trying to hide from two passersby. The hiding didn't work, but fortunately for Bulk they were more confused than suspicious. After they passed him he continued on to a river that flowed out of the city.

 _Big, dumb, and tone deaf. I am_ _ **so**_ _glad that I was unconscious for all of this._

Bulk then tossed the bag into the river.

"Mission accomplished." He grinned as he started to leave...only to have second thoughts upon realizing that the river was heading for a waterfall.

"You're not just gonna let him die like that are you?" A disembodied voice asked before a tiny angel-version of Bulk appeared on his left shoulder.

"My shoulder angel." Bulk said.

"Don't listen to that guy." Another disembodied voice said before a tiny devil-version of Bulk appeared on the other shoulder. "He's trying to lead you down the path of righteousness. I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks."

"Oh come off it." The shoulder angel frowned.

"You come off it." The shoulder devil retorted.

"You."

"You."

"You."

"You infinity." The shoulder devil smirked.

The shoulder angel growled.

"Listen up big guy, I've got three good reasons why you should just walk away." The shoulder devil said to Kronk as he produced a pair of glasses and a list. "Number one: look at that guy! He's got that sissy stringy music thing."

"We've been through this, it's a harp and you know it." The shoulder angel glared.

"Oh right, that's a harp, and that's a dress."

"Robe!"

"Reason number two: look what I can do! Ha ha!" The shoulder devil said as he did a one-hand handstand.

"But, wh-what does that have to do with anything?" Bulk asked.

"No no, he's got a point." The shoulder angel admitted.

"Listen guys, you're sort of confusing me so...begone, uh, or you know, however I get rid of you guys." Bulk said.

"That'll work." The shoulder devil said as he and the shoulder angel poofed away.

A few seconds after that Bulk then made his decision: to rush to Cheeso's rescue just in the nick of time. A major nick of time too, as it turned out the waterfall was huge due to the palace and the village below it being on top of a tall mountain. It was so tall that even a chimp that was eating a bug on a tree could see if he turned around...

 _Um, what's with the chimp and the bug? Can we get back to me?_

Sorry. Back to Bulk, he was panically carrying Cheeso down into the village.

"Oh boy, think think think!" He looked around. "What to do, what to do...what to do with the body?"

Meanwhile, it turns out Big Mac had been doing a little shopping in the village, and was just loading the last of the items he bought onto a cart that was being pulled by a large furry dog. Around there they used dogs to help them carry things, plus they used the fur to make clothing.

"What am I gonna tell the village?" He sighed sadly to himself before starting to lead his dog away.

"Come on Bulky, come on Bulky!" Bulk said to himself as he went down the stairs near where Big Mac was. "What do I do, what do I do-!"

Unfortunately, he stepped on a poor cat's tail and lost his balance. The bag with Cheeso in it tumbled down the stairs until it landed on Big Mac's cart without him noticing. Bulk and the cat tumbled down as well, with the cat clinging onto his head just as they landed. Bulk was disoriented and dazed from the tumble, but recovered in time to see the bag on Big Mac's cart.

"Uh, oh, hey hey you!" Bulk called as he ran after him, only for a crowd to get in his way. "Excuse me, excuse me, stop! Pardon me, excuse, sorry about that, coming through, hey you with the cart-!"

Big Mac and his cart had disappeared.

"Uh-oh. This is not good. Hope that doesn't come back to haunt me." Bulk said worriedly.


	4. Demon Dog!

As for Big Mac forget worried, he was almost depressed all the way back to his village. When he finally arrived it was nighttime and his fillies Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were being measured by his wife Cheerilee, who was pregnant with their third foal (it looked as if she was due any day now too). The measuring was being done in the doorway, where each family member would have a line slightly carved above their head as they grew.

A.N. In this parody, Scootaloo is an Earth pony.

"Mom mom I think I'm still growing, measure me again!" Scootaloo hopped excitedly.

"All right Scoots, stand still." Cheerilee chuckled amusedly.

"Mom, you and I both know that it is impossible for her to have grown in the last five minutes." Apple Bloom scoffed, looking away.

Cheerilee however decided to please Scootaloo by measuring her at the top of her upright ponytail (mane-do, not her actual tail) instead of the top of her head.

"Look how much you've grown!" Cheerilee smiled.

"What?" Apple Bloom gasped. "Scootaloo get out of the way it's my turn again, measure me!" She tried to take Scootaloo's place under the 'ruler'.

"Dad's home!" Scootaloo suddenly notice Big Mac coming.

She and Apple Bloom ran to Big Mac excitedly, and he picked them up happy to see them.

"Dad I ate a bug today!" Scootaloo grinned.

"Oh was mom baking again?" Big Mac teased. "Don't tell her I said that." He added quietly.

"I heard that." Cheerilee smirked as she approached Big Mac. "Okay everybody, move aside, mare with a baby coming through."

Big Mac and Cheerilee kissed. Not liking mushy stuff, Scootaloo quickly changed the subject.

"Dad dad dad, look at how big I am!" She hopped down and ran to the 'ruler'.

"We were all measured today." Cheerilee explained.

"I'm going through a growth spurt!" Scootaloo grinned. "I'm as big as you were when you were me."

"You sure are." Big Mac smiled proudly.

"That's not as impressive as my loose tooth." Apple Bloom smiled as she wiggled it.

"Okay okay you two, our deal was that you could stay awake until daddy came home." Cheerilee reminded them. "Now say goodnight."

"Dad do we have to?" Apple Bloom and Scootaloo gave him puppy-dog eyes.

Big Mac looked as if he was going to give in...

"Oh you two can stay up, we're just going to be sitting here telling each other how much we love each other. Isn't that right Pumpkin Pie?" Big Mac flirted.

"Sure is Sugar Bear." Cheerilee flirted back, winking at him.

Unsurprisingly, Scootaloo and Apple Bloom were instantly grossed out.

"Good night!" They said before rushing inside.

Big Mac and Cheerilee chuckled.

"So, what did the emperor want?" Cheerilee smiled.

Big Mac cleared his throat, truthfully having hoped that she had forgotten about that.

"Uh...you know what...he couldn't see me." Big Mac hurried inside as well so that Cheerilee couldn't see his eyes; if she did she'd instantly know that he was lying.

"Couldn't see you?" Cheerilee frowned, a little suspicious but not wanting to doubt her husband. "Why not?"

"I don't know."

"Well that's just rude!"

"Well he is the emperor, I'm sure he's busy."

"No no no no no, emperor or no emperor it's called common courtesy." Cheerilee was now getting mad. "If that were me, I'd march right in there and demand to see him and you know I would!"

"Honey think of the baby." Big Mac reminded her.

"Mac I'm fine, this baby isn't coming for a while. But even if it was I'd give that guy a piece of my mind! That kind of behavior just- just- I gotta go wash something."

She rushed to the kitchen to wash a few pots. Then as she calmed down she turned around to find Big Mac sadly looking at the 'ruler' in the doorway.

"Mac...are you okay?" She asked concernedly.

"Hm? Oh yeah, I'm just a little tired from the trip." Big Mac put a hoof to his face to make it look believable. "Um...I'm gonna go put Winona away."

He left to do so, but before starting to he sat down on a bench thinking of what he was going to do about tomorrow. He just couldn't bring himself to tell his family the truth and-

 _Excuse me MWolfL, just a couple seconds here. Hi everyone, I'm the one in the cart, remember? This story is about me, not him, you got it? Okay, I'll let her continue, sorry to interrupt._

Right...anyone got a muzzle?

 _Hey come on! I was just putting the readers back in focus of who the main character is!_

Okay okay. Anyway after a few seconds Big Mac got up to put things away, only to find an extra sack in the cart. One that was moving too. Confused, he untied the bundle and opened it to find a dazed and aching Cheeso (not that Big Mac knew it).

"Where'd you come from little guy?" Big Mac petted him affectionately.

"No...touchy." Cheeso groaned.

Big Mac couldn't believe what he just heard.

"Demon dog!" He panicked.

"Demon dog? Where?" Cheeso panicked, looking around only to see Winona.

He screamed and Winona screamed back, so Cheeso got off the cart and started to run...only to trip on a rock and tumble into the fence.

"Ow, what hurt my hoof?" He groaned.

"Okay demon dog, just take it easy, I mean you no harm." Big Mac tried to stay calm but sounded as if he was failing.

"What are you talk-? Oh wait, I know you, you're that whiny peasant." Cheeso got up.

Big Mac gasped, now recognizing the voice.

"Emperor Cheeso?" He couldn't believe it.

"Uh, yeah, who'd you think you were talking to?" Cheeso scoffed.

"How...um...you don't...look like the emperor." Big Mac awkwardly tried to explain.

"What do you mean I 'don't look like the emperor'?" Cheeso was obviously thinking that Big Mac was an idiot.

"Errr...do this." Big Mac waved his hoof.

"What is this some kind of game you country-" Cheeso started to mock until he saw a paw waving in front of his face instead of a hoof. "It can't be!" He gasped.

He rushed to a well and looked into it. Sure enough, he saw a dog face instead of a pony one.

"My face!" He sobbed. "My beautiful beautiful face! I'm an ugly stinking dog! Doggy face!"

"Shh, shh, okay, calm down." Big Mac said. "What happened to you?"

Cheeso calmed himself down by slapping himself in the face.

"I'm trying to figure that out okay?" He retorted, pacing as he started to think. "Ohhh...I can't remember! I can't remember anything!" He groaned. "Wait a minute...I remember you. I remember telling you that I was building my pool where your house was, and then you got mad at me-" He gasped. "And you turned me into a dog!"

"What? No I did not." Big Mac frowned, both insulted and now thinking that Cheeso was an idiot.

"Yes, and then you kidnapped me!" Cheeso accused.

"Why would I kidnap a dog?" Big Mac scoffed.

"I have no idea, you're the criminal mastermind, not me." Cheeso retorted.

"What?" Big Mac cried indignantly.

Cheeso thought for a second.

"You're right, that's giving you way too much credit." He reconsidered. "Okay, I have to get back to the palace, Suri's got that 'secret lab'. I'll just clap my hooves - paws - and order her to change me back. Hey you, no time to waste, let's go."

Cheeso started to leave, but Big Mac hesitated. He suddenly realized that this could solve his problem.

"Hey tiny, I wanna get out of this body wouldn't you? Now let's go." Cheeso frowned.

"Build your summer house somewhere else." Big Mac ordered.

Cheeso froze.

"You wanna run that by me again?" He glared, heading back.

"I can't let you go back unless you change your mind, and build your summer home somewhere else." Big Mac frowned.

"I got a little secret for you, come here, no closer." Cheeso waited until Big Mac was within range... "I DON'T MAKE DEALS WITH PEASANTS!"

"Then I guess I can't take you back." Big Mac crossed his arms.

"Fine, I don't need you, I can find my own way back."

"I wouldn't recommend it, it's a little dangerous if you don't know the way." Big Mac cut him off.

"Nice try pal." Cheeso smirked.

"No really I'm telling ya, there are chimeras, snakes, and quicksand!"

Cheeso however just made mocking 'I'm not listening' noises.

"I'm not kidding, listen, you cannot go in there!"

"Still not listening!" Cheeso mocked.

Big Mac almost lost his temper, but restrained himself.

"Fine, fine, go ahead! There's no Cheeso, there's no 'Cheesotopia'. Takes care of my problem." Big Mac started to go back to Winona to put her away...but then started to reconsider...


	5. Lost, Chimeras, and a Waterfall

"Scary jungle right." Cheeso scoffed once he was deep in the jungle. "Oo a leaf, oh it might attack me. Oh it's a scary tree, I'm afraid." He mocked. "Please 'never find my way' I'm the emperor! And as such I'm born with an innate sense of direction."

He walked a few more steps...

"Okay where am I?" He looked around.

He started to grow nervous as he saw eyes looking at him...and then the bushes started rustling...something was coming! And that something was...a cute little squirrel.

"What do you want?" Cheeso demanded, annoyed about having been scared.

The squirrel offered him his acorn.

"Oh for me? Why I don't know what to say." Cheeso took it, pretending to be grateful only to hit the squirrel on the head with it. "Hit the road Bucky!"

He then started to walk away...only to fall down a small cliff and land on the ground.

"Ow-!" He froze with terror upon realizing that he landed in the middle of a sleeping chimera pack!

Bucky the squirrel then showed up, and somehow produced a balloon, blew it, and twisted it into a dog shape. He then plucked a needle off a branch, threatening to pop it.

"No no no no no no..." Cheeso panically pleaded.

Bucky however nodded mischievously and popped it. But nothing, the chimeras were still asleep.

"Ha!" Cheeso said triumphantly, only to clasp his paws over his mouth because that was what woke up the chimeras!

He made a run for it through the jungle, until he reached a ledge that was really high up! He was trapped! He turned away and shut his eyes, bracing himself for the inevitable...

But then he heard a Tarzan yell! Confused, he turned towards the yell to find Big Mac swinging toward him on a vine! Cheeso gave the chimeras a triumphant look...until Big Mac accidentally swung past him without grabbing him. For a second it looked as if the chimeras were going to have a dog meal after all, when Big Mac swung back and managed to grab Cheeso.

"Don't worry your highness, I got you!" Big Mac said triumphantly. "You're safe now!

They then hit a thick hollow branch and ended up swinging around it until they were both tied to it.

"Maybe I'm just new to this whole rescuing thing, but this, to me, might be considered a bit of a step backward wouldn't you say?" Cheeso deadpanned.

"No no no, it's okay, this-this is all right, we-we can figure this out." Big Mac tried to reassure both of them.

Instead, the branch started to crack and bend down.

"I hate you." Cheeso deadpanned.

The branch broke completely off and started falling. They screamed until the branch bounced off a few rocks and rolled into a river. Then they went through a raging rapid, bouncing off more rocks until they finally reached a calm part of the river.

"I don't know about you, but I'm getting all 'funned' out." Cheeso deadpanned.

"Uh-oh." Big Mac said.

"Don't tell me: we're about to go over a huge waterfall?" Cheeso said dryly (at least as dry as he could, being in a river and all).

"Eeyup." Big Mac confirmed.

"Sharp rocks at the bottom?"

"Most likely."

"Bring it on."

Sure enough, they fell down a waterfall that had sharp rocks at the bottom.

"BOOOYAAAH!" Cheeso screamed.

Fortunately, Big Mac made it to the surface free from the branch and unharmed. Unfortunately, Cheeso was unconscious but Big Mac grabbed him and brought him to shore. Cheeso didn't wake up, so Big Mac checked for signs of breathing or a heartbeat. However it was hard to detect through the thick fur.

"Your highness?" He said. "Your highness can you hear me? Oh boy...come on breathe. Breathe!" He started slapping Cheeso, desperately wanting to avoid what he knew he was going to have to do. "Why me?" He groaned.

He opened Cheeso's mouth...and his tongue shot out. Big Mac understandably flinched with disgust, but prepared to give him mouth-to-mouth anyway...and that was when Cheeso finally woke up. They both were extremely disgusted by what had almost occurred.

After recovering enough, Cheeso went to the river to wash his mouth out while Big Mac started to prepare a fire.

"For the last time, it was not a kiss." Big Mac insisted.

"Well whatever you call it, it was dees-gusting." Cheeso unknowingly spat the water at the fire, putting it out. "And if you would've done what I had ordered you to do in the first place, we all could've been spared your little 'kiss of life'."

He then shook himself dry, unknowingly putting out the fire again much to Big Mac's frustration.

"But now that you're here, you will take me back to the palace. Suri will change me back, and then I'll start construction on Cheesotopia. Oh yeah!" Cheeso put together a few stones and topped it with a leaf flag.

"Okay, now look, I think we got off on the wrong hoof." Big Mac tried to remain calm.

"Mm-hmm." Cheeso said uninterestedly as he used Big Mac's poncho to finish drying himself off.

"I just think, if you really thought about it, you'd decide to build your home on a different hill."

"And why would I do that?" Cheeso asked uninterestedly, tossing the poncho aside...and it ended up putting out the fire.

"Because...deep down I think you'll realize that you're forcing an entire village out of their homes just for you."

"And that's...bad?" Cheeso had a hard time processing this.

"Well...yeah. Nobody's that heartless." Big Mac chuckled.

Cheeso almost looked as if he was considering it...

"Now take me back." He ordered.

"Wait wait, how can you be this way?" Big Mac frowned. "All you care about is building your summer home and filling it with stuff for you!"

"Uh, yeah, doi, me, everyone else in the kingdom gets it. You're the only one who doesn't seem to be with the program, eh Mac?"

"You know what, someday you're gonna wind up all alone. And you'll have nobody to blame but yourself." Big Mac said disappointedly.

"Thanks for that, I'll log that away." Cheeso deadpanned. "Now for the final time I order you to take me back to the palace."

"Looks to me like you're stuck out here, because unless you change your mind I'm not taking you back." Big Mac replied coldly before going back to the fire.

"'Because unless you change your mind, I'm not taking you back'." Cheeso mocked to himself before throwing a rock at Big Mac's head.

Big Mac turned around to glare at Cheeso, who quickly put on a confused/innocent expression.

"Huh? Wha? I didn't...I didn't do anything. Somebody's throwing stuff." Cheeso quickly covered up. "You gonna build a fire or what, what's going on?"

"He's never gonna change his mind." Big Mac sighed to himself.

Cheeso walked a few feet away to lay down for a sleep.

"How am I ever gonna get out of here?" He asked himself.

Later on, Big Mac noticed that Cheeso was shivering from the wind. He went over to drape his poncho over Cheeso and then headed back to the fire. Startled, Cheeso woke up, looked at the poncho, and then looked at Big Mac. He almost looked as if the was starting to feel bad...


	6. Not So Dead After All

Meanwhile, Suri was passing Cheeso's disappearance as his death, claiming that he had fallen over the waterfall that led out of the main city.

"And so, it is with great sadness, that we mourn the sudden departure of our beloved prince taken from us so tragically on the eve of his eighteenth birthday." Suri said with fake sadness.

"Poor little guy." Bulk Biceps sobbed, having gotten into the funeral despite knowing that Cheeso wasn't technically dead.

"His legacy will live on in our hearts..."

"He never had a chance."

"For all eternity." Suri finished, and then paused for a second. "Well, he ain't gettin' any deader!" She then declared before ripping off her funeral outfit to reveal a hot pink gown underneath. "Back to work."

The servants tossed their candles aside and started renovating the palace so that all of Cheeso's images were replaced with Suri's.

Meanwhile, Suri relaxed on a chaise lounge as Bulk Biceps handed her fruit kabobs.

"Bulk darling, I must admit you had me worried when you mixed up those poisons." She smiled. "But now that Cheeso is dead, all is forgiven."

"Oh oh yeah, he's-" Bulk Biceps quickly removed his hoof and oven mitt from the hot coals he cooked the fruit kabobs on. "He's dead all right. I mean you can't get much deader than he is right now, unless of course we killed him again." He continued awkwardly as he stomped out the fire that formed on his oven mitt.

"I suppose..." Suri looked at him suspiciously.

"Hey look! The royal dresser is here." Bulk left awkwardly.

"Bulk..."

"I should tell you right now I'm kinda hard to fit." Bulk told the royal dressmaker, a white female unicorn with purple hair.

"Bulk..." Suri started growing tenser.

"I wear a sixty-six long and a thirty-one waist." Bulk added.

Suri kicked the royal dressmaker off the platform they were on, but she managed to use her magic to save herself by quickly placing a large pillow underneath her.

"I quit, you're worse than Cheeso!" She called up angrily. "Honestly, royalty should not be so uncouth, even if they only inherited the throne because the true ruler is dead..."

"She has a point you know." Bulk frowned at Suri.

"Bulk!" Suri snapped, losing patience. "Cheeso is dead right? Tell me Cheeso's dead, I need to hear these words."

"Uh, do you need to hear all those words exactly?" Bulk asked.

"He's still alive?" Suri growled.

"Well, he's not as dead as we woulda hoped."

"Bulk..." Suri grew red in the face.

"Just thought I'd give you a heads up, in case Cheeso ever came back."

"He can't come back!"

"Yeah, that would be kinda awkward, especially after that lovely eulogy."

"You think?" Suri deadpanned. "You and I are going out to find him, if he talks, we're through. Now let's MOVE!"

Around that moment, Scootaloo burst awake in his bed.

"Dad look out!" She cried.

This woke up Apple Bloom - who slept above him, it was a bunk bed - and Cheerilee, who came upstairs with a candle.

"Scootaloo, what is it?" She asked.

"I had a dream that dad was tied to a log, and was careening out of control down a raging river of death!" Scootaloo panicked, nearly out of breath.

"All right all right, it's okay." Cheerilee said reassuringly.

"It was awful!"

"It's okay, Scoots, calm down it was just a dream." Cheerilee smiled reassuringly. "He's fine, he just went back to see the emperor."

"Oh, like you told him to because you're always right." Scootaloo remembered, starting to feel a lot better.

"That's right."

Apple Bloom then peered down.

"Well in my dream dad had to kiss a dog." She smiled.

"Yeah like that would ever happen." Scootaloo scoffed.

"It could." Apple Bloom insisted.

"Nah-uh." Scootaloo shook her head.

"Yah-huh." Apple Bloom nodded.

"Nah-uh."

"Yeah-huh."

They both continued their argument, sounding like two broken records.

"Goodnight kids." Cheerilee rolled her eyes with amusement before leaving.

"'Night mom!" Apple Bloom and Scootaloo smiled before going back to being broken records.


	7. Change of Mind - And Maybe of Heart

That morning, Big Mac went to a nearby pond to wash his face.

"Uh, hey." Cheeso said awkwardly, coming over with Big Mac's poncho in his mouth; he then dropped it into his paw and handed it over without looking. "Thanks."

"Oh, uh, no problem." Big Mac accepted it, now starting to feel a little awkward himself.

"Feels like wool." Cheeso remarked.

"Yeah." Big Mac nodded.

"Newfoundland?" Cheeso guessed.

"Oh yeah, it is."

"Oh, I thought so." Cheeso paused for a second. "It's nice."

"My wife made it." Big Mac shrugged.

"Oh she knits?"

"Crochets."

"Crochets, nice."

"Thanks."

There was a long awkward pause here.

"So...so I was thinking that...when I get back to the city we'd, uh... I mean there's lots of hilltops and maybe I might...you know...I-I might..." Cheeso hesitated.

"Are you...saying...you've changing your mind?" Big Mac couldn't believe it.

"Oh, well, I uh..."

"Because you know that means you're doing something nice for someone else." Big Mac chuckled slightly.

"No I know that, I know."

"And you're all right with that?" Big Mac again couldn't believe it.

"Yes." Cheeso said as if it should be obvious.

Big Mac frowned suspiciously and leaned in to get a good look into Cheeso's eyes.

"What?" Cheeso drew back uncomfortably.

Big Mac raised a hoof. Cheeso almost accepted it but then Big Mac took it away.

"Don't shake unless you mean it." Big Mac said almost sternly.

Cheeso hesitated for a second, and then placed his paw into Big Mac's hoof. They shook, and Big Mac smiled. Cheeso actually did too.

"All right, let's get you back to the palace." Big Mac stood up and put his poncho and hat back on. "Oh, by the way, thanks."

"No, thank you." Cheeso said with a mischievous smile that Big Mac didn't see.

They walked out of the woods and down a path until they came to a bridge.

"Okay, once we cross this path it's only an hour to the palace." Big Mac smiled.

"Good, because believe it or not I think I need a bath." Cheeso winced.

"I believe it." Big Mac muttered to himself.

"What was that?" Cheeso frowned.

"Oh, nothing."

Big Mac suddenly fell through the bridge only to be tangled up in some vines!

"Cheeso!" He called up. "Cheeso!"

After thinking for a second, Cheeso looked down with a smile.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Quick, help me up!" Big Mac panicked slightly.

Instead, Cheeso hopped over the hole in the bridge.

"No I don't think I will." He replied.

"You're gonna leave me here?" Big Mac was shocked.

"Well I was gonna have you imprisoned for life, but I kinda like this better." Cheeso looked down again with a smile.

"I thought you were a changed man." Big Mac nearly growled.

"Oh come on I had to say something to get you to take me back to the city."

"So all of it was a lie?"

"Well yeah. No wait..." Cheeso thought for a few second. "Oh yeah, yeah, it all was a lie. Toodles!" He then left the bridge.

"WE SHOOK HOOVES ON IT!" Big Mac yelled.

Cheeso smirked and went back.

"The funny thing about shaking hooves is...you need hooves!" Cheeso pointed out with amusement, showing off his paws. "Heh, okay, buh-bye."

He then fell through the bridge and got tangled up in vines.

"Are you okay, you all right?" Big Mac asked with concern.

"Yeah...yeah I think I'm all right." Cheeso said, recovering from the fall.

"Good!" Big Mac snapped before punching him. "That's for going back on your promise!"

Cheeso kicked him.

"Yeah, well that's for kidnapping me and taking me to your village. Which I'm still gonna destroy by the way-" Cheeso's smile faded upon seeing how ticked-off Big Mac looked. "No touchy." He said weakly before Big Mac head-butted him into the rock wall behind him.

"Why did I risk my life for a selfish brat like you?" Big Mac glared as he stood on the rocks of the rock wall behind him. "I was always taught that there is some good in everyone, but you proved me wrong!"

"Oh boo-hoo, now I feel really bad, bad dog." Cheeso mocked.

"I could have just let you die out there in that jungle, and then all my problems would be over!"

"Well that makes you ugly and stupid."

"Let's end this."

"Ladies first."

They swung at each other with battle cries, and started fighting...until they heard snapping sounds. The rest of the bridge suddenly fell apart! They fell screaming and bounced off the rocky walls as the walls grew closer together, until Cheeso and Big Mac ended up stuck between the two walls with their backs together. They looked down and saw a pond full of crocodiles that went under them waiting for them to finish falling.

"What're we gonna do?" Cheeso nearly sobbed. "What're we gonna do, we're gonna die! We're gonna die, that's it for me!"

Big Mac however looked up and saw a rope.

"No we're not, calm down I have an idea." He said. "Give me your arm, now the other one."

Cheeso did as he said, wanting to survive too much to question someone else's orders. Big Mac then pressed them upward a bit so that his hooves and Cheeso's paws were flat on the rock walls instead of simply resting sideways on them.

"Okay, now when I say go press against my back, and we'll walk up the hill. Ready?" Big Mac said.

Cheeso shook his head, but Big Mac couldn't see this and assumed Cheeso was ready.

"Go!" Big Mac pressed against Cheeso's back only to squish him against the wall.

"Ow! You did that on purpose." Cheeso protested before doing the same thing to Big Mac.

"No I didn't!" Big Mac said through gritted teeth. "Now we're gonna have to work together to get out of this so follow my lead! Ready? Right foot."

"Who's right, your right or-or mine?"

"I don't care...mine."

"Well why yours?"

"Okay your right! Ready?"

"Okay got it."

"Right...left...right..." Big Mac grunted as they started walking up the hill.

"Heh-heh, look we're moving." Cheeso smiled with relief until he looked down and saw the crocodiles.

"Don't look down!" Big Mac said. "Now stay with me, stay with me. Right, left, right, left, right, left, right..."

They were now at a point where they couldn't go any further.

"Now what genius?" Cheeso frowned sarcastically.

"Working on it." Big Mac retorted before seeing that they were almost within reach of the rope. "Okay, here's the deal, stretch out your neck, and I'll grab the rope-"

"Well how will I know you won't let me fall after you grab the rope?"

"You're just gonna have to trust me!"

Cheeso gave in and did as Big Mac said.

"You know, it's a good thing you're not a big fat guy or this would be really difficult." Cheeso grunted sarcastically.

"Almost...got it!" Big Mac grabbed the rope, only to find that it was wrapped around a small tree sticking out of the rock wall.

He started tugging on it, unknowingly causing scorpions to fall off the tree and land on Cheeso.

"Scorpions!" Cheeso panicked, nearly causing himself to fall.

"Cheeso!" Big Mac grabbed him in time.

However this caused Cheeso to swing towards the wall and get his muzzle stuck in a hole, and also caused scorpions to fall down Big Mac's poncho. Big Mac cringed from the feel, and started pounding his back against the wall to get rid of them. This woke up the bats that were living in the hole, making them fly out only to get caught in Cheeso's mouth. This however resulted in Cheeso's mouth getting forcibly unstuck, allowing the bats to fly out, and all this allowed them to run up the other rock wall and over the bats back to the top of the cliff. They paused for a few seconds, and then laughed with relief.

Just then there was a rumble, and the piece of ground Big Mac was standing on started to fall! Fortunately, Cheeso automatically grabbed Big Mac by the poncho and flung him out of harm's way in time.

"Woo yeah! Oh look at me and my bad self!" Cheeso gloated. "I snatched you right out of the air! 'Oh I'm a crumbling canyon wall and I'm taking you with me' well not today pal! Uh-huh, uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!"

"You...just...saved my life." Big Mac stared at Cheeso with shock.

Cheeso stopped upon realizing that Big Mac was right. He processed this for a moment and quickly tried to save his reputation.

"So?" He deadpanned.

"I knew it." Big Mac smirked.

"Knew what?"

"That there is some good in you after all."

"No."

"Admit it."

"Wrong."

"Yes there is."

"Nuh-uh."

"I think there is."

"Nuh-uh!"

"Hey you coulda let me fall." Big Mac shrugged.

"Hey come on, what's the big deal, nobody's that heartless!" Cheeso retorted irritatedly, only to clench his mouth shut upon realizing what he just said. "Don't read too much into it, it was a one-time thing." He backtracked.

"Right, sure." Big Mac nodded, not believing Cheeso but deciding to drop the subject. "Well, better get going. With that bridge out, it's a four-day walk to the palace."

"What? You mean you're still taking me back?" Cheeso couldn't believe it.

"I shook hooves on it didn't I?" Big Mac shrugged.

"Well yeah...b-but I hope you realize that doesn't change a thing. I'm still building Cheesotopia when I get back."

"Well four days is a long time, who knows. Maybe you'll change your mind."

"Uh-huh...four days...what are the chances of you carrying me?"

"Not good."


	8. Bugs in the Search

Meanwhile, Suri and Bulk were having a terrible time finding Cheeso. He wasn't in the city or any of the surrounding villages.

"No, no, no! We've searched every village around the palace, and still no sign of Cheeso! Where is he?" Suri crossed the villages off a map of the area and pulled down a tube with a wide end. "Bulk!"

"Bulk here." Bulk answered on the other end.

"I'm getting tired, pull over!"

"Sure thing, Bulk out."

Bulk stopped, revealing that he was carrying Suri in a narrow tent strapped to his back. Suri got out using Bulk as a stepladder, and then started walking through the jungle only to get her horseshoes stuck in the mud.

"Perfect, these were my best shoes!" She grunted sarcastically as she pulled her hooves free from her shoes. "I hate this jungle."

A swarm of bugs then attacked her head, causing her to run around blindly trying to escape them.

"Oh look, a Golden-Throated Small-Winged Warbler." Bulk smiled as he spotted a yellow and blue fat bird nearby and crossed something off on a clipboard. "Just one more for Exotic Bird Bingo, I am loving this."

Suri then tripped over a vine and met Bucky the squirrel who offered her an acorn.

"Get away from me!" She snapped, scaring Bucky.

Bucky ran to Kronk and angrily yelled at Suri before saying something to Kronk.

"Yeah, tell me about it." Kronk agreed; Bucky then said something again. "No no, it's not you. She's not the easiest pony to get close to, there's a wall there. Trust me."

"Are you talking to that squirrel?" Suri asked with disbelief as she wiped mud off her face.

"I was a Junior Chipmunk, I had to be versed in all the woodland creatures." Bulk explained before turning back to Bucky. "Please, continue."

Bucky went back to chattering.

"Why me, why me?" Suri moaned.

"Hey it doesn't always have to be about you." Bulk frowned. "This poor little guy's had it rough. Seems a talking dog gave him a hard time the other day."

Suri stopped and rushed to them smiling.

"Ah, a talking dog? Do tell." She grinned.

Bucky angrily chattered something.

"Uh, he doesn't really want to talk to you." Bulk translated.

"Well then, **you** ask him." Suri frowned irritatedly.

"Hate being in the middle..." Bulk sighed irritatedly before talking to Bucky.

Bucky started to chatter.

"Jaguars? No kiddin', brutal." Bulk remarked.

Bucky then stopped when he saw Suri really close trying to listen in.

"Uh, can you give us a little room here." Bulk asked.

"Oh, sorry." Suri grinned sheepishly and moved a couple feet away.

Bucky chattered.

"Little bit more, please." Bulk said.

Frowning, Suri moved many feet away.

"How's this?" She called irritatedly.

Bucky chattered.

"Yeah that's good." Bulk confirmed.

"Now ask him which way the talking llama went!" Suri was starting to lose her temper.

Bulk did, and Bucky pointed behind Bulk.

Bulk and Suri were off again, following Bucky's instructions.


	9. Meal and Missing Each Other

Time passed, and Big Mac ended up carrying Cheeso after all.

"Low blood sugar huh?" Big Mac said.

"Yeah it's a curse, heh." Cheeso nodded.

"Well, as soon as we get something to eat you're walking the rest of the way."

They went to a diner called Gustave's Grub Hut, only to see a 'no dogs' sign above the doorway. However, Big Mac and Cheeso just looked at each other and smirked.

"Welcome to Gustave's Cuisine Hut, home of the Mug..." The waitress paused to stare at Cheeso, who was in a pony disguise thanks to Big Mac's hat and poncho. "...of Melon. What'll it be?"

"We'll have two specials, is that all right 'dear'?" Big Mac asked Cheeso.

"Oh whatever you say pumpkin, you know what I like." Cheeso flirted.

Big Mac giggled.

"We're on our honeymoon." He explained to the waitress.

"Bless you for coming out in public." The waitress deadpanned. "So that's two specials."

"And an onion log, to split." Cheeso added.

"Ordering: I need two hot burns and a deep fried doorstop!" The waitress called to the chef as she left.

Big Mac and Cheeso cracked up.

"Okay so I'll admit this was a good idea." Big Mac said.

"When will you learn that all my ideas are good ones." Cheeso smiled back.

"Well that's funny, because I thought that you going into the jungle by yourself, being chased by jaguars, lying to me to take you back to the palace, were all really bad ideas."

"Oh yeah, anything sounds bad when you say it with that attitude." Cheeso retorted.

The waitress showed up with the meal.

"Two hot and crispy pumpkins for the happy couple." The waitress deadpanned before tossing some confetti into the air. "Mazel tov."

Cheeso winced at the meal, but Big Mac whacked his pumpkin with a stick of bamboo and started slucking out the insides. Cheeso was instantly grossed out...

"Oh here, let me get that for you." Big Mac whacked Cheeso's pumpkin.

...and now was even more grossed out. Cheeso got out of his seat.

"Where are you going?" Big Mac asked.

"I'm just gonna slip into the kitchen and have a word with the chef." Cheeso explained.

"You're gonna get us thrown out." Big Mac warned.

"Please, with this disguise I'm invisible." Cheeso smirked before heading for the kitchen.

Another customer watched him walk away and gave Big Mac a wink. Big Mac returned the wink to keep up his and Cheeso's act. And then Suri and Bulk sat down behind Big Mac as he continued eating...uh-oh!

"We've been walking around in circles for who knows how long!" Suri complained quietly. "That is the last time we take directions from a squirrel! I should've done away with Cheeso myself when I had the chance!"

Big Mac nearly choked on his pumpkin.

"Oh, you've really got to stop beating yourself up about that." Bulk said.

Suri irritatedly bent her fork.

"Uh-oh, I'll get you another one there Suri." Bulk said before turning to Big Mac. "Yo, you, uh, using that fork pal?"

Big Mac held his fork up nervously while trying to keep his face hidden from Bulk.

"Hey don't I know you?" Bulk still managed to catch a glimpse of Big Mac's profile.

"Uh I don't think so." Big Mac grew even more nervous.

"Wrestled you in high school?"

"I don't remember that no."

"No? Metal shop? Oh I got it, Miss Hoofer Step's Interpretive Dance, two semesters! I was usually in the back because of my weak ankles. Come on pal, you gotta help me out here."

"Uh, no, look I don't think we've ever met but, uh, I gotta go." Big Mac quickly headed for the kitchen.

"Oh don't worry, I'll think of it." Bulk smiled.

"Look, all I know is that the food looked iffy, all right? And I'm not the only one who thinks that I'm sure." Cheeso said to Chef Gustave.

"Psst, hey!" Big Mac whispered to Cheeso after poking through the door to the kitchen.

"So I'm just checking to make sure you're gonna take the main course up a notch." Cheeso continued, not hearing Big Mac.

"Is there anything on this menu that is not swimming in gravy?" Suri winced with disgust as she looked at the menu.

"Hang on I'll go ask the chef." Bulk got up and headed for the kitchen.

"It's a simple question: is there or is there not anything edible-" Cheeso was cut off as Big Mac dragged him to the door. "On this menu." He managed to finish.

Big Mac then saw Bulk approaching and quickly forced Cheeso into the pantry.

"Hang on I didn't ask about dessert yet!" Cheeso protested.

"Hey pal what's your policy on making special orders?" Bulk smiled.

"All right relou, zat's it!" Chef Gustave lost his temper. "You want a special order, zen you make it. I quit! You know I try and I try, zere's just no respect for anyone with vision. Zat's it, zere's nothing I can do about it!"

"Wait a second please don't go-" Bulk started to plead only to get cut off by the diner bell.

"Three combos extra tomatoes on the side, two chili cheese samples, a basket of potato and onion rings, a pick of the day, and a hay-steak cut into the shape of a trout." The waitress said. "You got all that honey?"

A.N. Since ponies don't eat fish, I changed 'catch of the day' to 'pick of the day' to refer to vegetables. You know, since you pick vegetables and fruits before you eat them. Kept the 'steak cut into the shape of a trout' - only with a hay-steak - though since looking like an animal isn't the same as actually being made from an animal.

"Three love apples wearing pants, a plate of hot air, basket of grandma's breakfast, and change the fodder into a trout got it." Bulk said.

"What's going on?" Cheeso asked Big Mac irritatedly.

"There's no time to explain we gotta get out of here." Big Mac got to work opening the window to the pantry.

Suri waited impatiently for Bulk.

"What is he doing in there?" She finally decided to go into the kitchen.

Bulk got to work cooking, and Big Mac finally got the window open.

"Come on!" He whispered.

"In a minute, I'm still hungry." Cheeso headed back into the kitchen.

"No, Cheeso!" Big Mac whispered harshly.

"Okay I'll make it simple for you: I'll have the spinach omelette with wheat toast, you got it?" Cheeso asked, not recognizing Bulk's back and Bulk not recognizing Cheeso's voice.

"Can do." Bulk agreed.

Cheeso left just as Suri entered. Big Mac, who was sneaking out of the pantry, hid under the cooking table.

"What's taking so long?" Suri demanded.

Bulk set out a couple of the orders at the pick-up window.

"Pick-up!" He said.

"Bulk!" Suri demanded. "What are you doing?"

"Kinda busy here." Bulk reached for a bowl under the table, and Big Mac gave him one to keep from being discovered.

"Why am I not surprised?" Suri deadpanned.

"Your order's up!" Bulk set out a bowl of something at the pick-up window.

Suri was about to lose her temper, but gave in.

"Oh well, while you're at it make me the special. And hold the gravy!" Suri ordered.

"Gotcha. Pickup!" Bulk set out another meal.

"You know what, on second thought, make my omelette a fruit pie." Cheeso came back into the kitchen.

"Fruit pie, got it." Bulk started chopping up fruit.

Suri came back in just as Cheeso left. Big Mac, who had just crawled out from under the table, scrambled to a halt and posed in front of a standee of the diner's logo.

"Bulk, can I order the potatoes as a side dish?" Suri asked.

"I'll have to charge you full price." Bulk said.

Suri growled and left.

"Hey how about a side of potatoes my buddy?" Cheeso came back in.

"You got it, want cheese on those potatoes?" Bulk asked as he prepared them.

"No thank you Bulk." Suri came back in and left.

"Okay, spuds sans cheese coming up." Bulk said.

"Spuds and cheese yes, cheddar please." Cheeso came back in.

"Cheddar cheese it is."

"No I don't want cheese." Suri said.

"Cheese it isn't."

"Cheese me likey." Cheeso said.

"Cheese in."

"Cheese out!" Suri said.

"Aw come on make up your mind!" Bulk grew irritated.

"Okay on second thought-" Cheeso came back in.

"Make my potatoes a salad." He and Suri both said together.

Cheeso headed back to his table, but Suri paused to clean her ear wondering if she heard right. She then went back to her table. She and Cheeso took turns looking at their menus without realizing it, and then stared toward the kitchen without noticing each other.

Big Mac took this opportunity to sneak out the kitchen, seeing that Suri and Cheeso again missed each other by taking a sip of their drinks before going back to their menus at the same time. Fortunately Big Mac noticed the waitress coming, and got her attention.

"Excuse me, you see that woman over there?" He said quietly to her before whispering something.

"No problem hon, we do that all the time." The waitress replied.

At this point Suri finally realized that there was something odd about the 'woman' sitting in the next booth...

"One two three four HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FROM ALL OF US TO YOU, WE WISH IT WAS OUR BIRTHDAY SO WE CAN PARTY TOO!" The waiters and waitresses sang as they gave Suri a sombrero and a cake with countless candles on it, startling her big time.

Cheeso looked at the scene with confusion, but Big Mac pulled him away before he could recognize Suri.

"HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE...!" The waiters and waitresses continued.

Overhearing the commotion, Bulk left the kitchen.

"It's your birthday?" He laughed with delight.


	10. Broken Heart and Fixed Friendship

Meanwhile, Big Mac carried Cheeso until they were out of sight of the entrance.

"What are you doing?" Cheeso protested.

"Look, there's two people inside looking for you." Big Mac explained.

"What?"

"A big guy and a skinny old mare."

"Wait, was this mare scary beyond all reason?"

"oh yeah."

"That's Suri and Bulk! I'm saved!" Cheeso started taking off his disguise.

"Trust me, they're not here to save you!" Big Mac insisted.

"They'll take me back to the palace." Cheeso continued, not hearing Big Mac. "Thanks for your help, you've been great, I can take it from here."

He started to leave, but Big Mac cut him off.

"No no no no, you don't understand they're trying to kill you!" Big Mac said.

"Kill me? Their whole world revolves around me!" Cheeso found the idea amusing as he continued on.

"No I can't let you!" Big Mac grabbed Cheeso.

"What?" Cheeso turned around with confusion before looking angry. "Oh oh I get it."

"What?"

"You don't want to take me back to the palace, you want to keep me stranded out here forever!" Cheeso said angrily.

"No!" Big Mac insisted.

"This has all been an act and I almost fell for it..."

"Would you just listen to me?"

"No no, you listen to me. All you care about is your-your stupid hilltop!"

"What?"

"You don't care about me now just get out of here! Go!"

"But-but-"

"Go on get out of here!" Cheeso snapped.

"Fine!" Big Mac gave in angrily.

Cheeso made his way to Suri and Bulk, who were now leaving the diner.

"This entire mess is all your fault." Suri complained.

"What'd I do?" Bulk shrugged confusedly.

"If you hadn't mixed up those poisons Cheeso would be dead now!"

At this point Cheeso neared them and was about to get their attention, only for his smile to fall upon hearing those words.

"There will be no more diversions until we track that dog down and kill him!"

"Said I was sorry, can't just let it go. Not even on your birthday." Bulk muttered.

"Cheeso must be eliminated. The empire will finally be rid of that useless lump." Suri continued as she entered her tent.

"Well you got a point, nopony really seems to care that he's gone do they?" Bulk admitted as he strapped on the tent and ran off.

If Cheeso's heart didn't break before, it certainly did now.

"Big Mac?" Cheeso called before getting on a tree trunk. "Big Mac?" He called louder.

No sign or sound of Big Mac.

Cheeso sadly walked through the jungle processing everything that happened, until he saw that he was close to the city and palace. He stared at it, only to take off the rest of his disguise and head back into the jungle as clouds covered the city...

Eventually, he ended up where we first saw him at the beginning of the story.

 _So this is where you came in. See just like I said I'm the victim here. I didn't do anything and yet they ruined my life and took everything I had-_

"Hey give it a rest up there will ya?" Cheeso interrupted...himself?

 _What I'm just telling them what happened._

"Who are you kidding pal, they saw the whole thing they **know** what happened."

 _Well yeah but-_

"Just leave me alone."

Cheeso spent the night curled up beneath the rain.

Suri and Bulk spent the night in the jungle too, Suri in a huge tent and Bulk in a teeny one with a teddy bear. Bulk suddenly burst awake.

"The peasant! At the diner!" He gasped. "He didn't pay his check."

He fell back asleep, only to burst awake again.

"It's the peasant who I saw leaving the city who disappeared into the crowd with Cheeso in the back of his cart. He must've taken him back to his village so if we find the village we find him and if we find him...we find Cheeso. Oh yeah, it's all comin' together. Suri!" He burst through her tent.

"What?" Suri demanded irritatedly.

Bulk drew back with disgust upon seeing her mud mask.

"This had better be good." Suri said with clenched teeth.

The next morning, Cheeso defeatedly walked through the jungle until he came to a clearing full of dogs eating at a trough. When they noticed him he waved happily, only for them to look at him suspiciously and walk farther down the feeding trough. He sadly looked into the feeding trough and winced upon seeing that it was full of dog food. He hesitated, knowing that dog food is made of meat, but if he was going to spend the rest of his life as dog... He took a bite and forcibly swallowed it, only to feel like throwing up.

"So there we were standing on the cliff, and the ground started to rumble."

Startled, Cheeso looked up and realized that Big Mac was nearby!

"And just as it started to go, he grabbed me before I fell do you believe that?"

"Given what you told me about him so far, not really." A female voice replied.

"Yeah. You know, call me crazy for following this guy all the way out here but as much as he tries to deny it I know there's some good in him."

"There must be, you always did have good judgement when it came to others." The female voice said.

"Thank you, and in any case I couldn't just leave him out here all alone anyway. He's a lousy dog."

Cheeso now saw that Big Mac was now sitting on a log talking to a yellow pegasus with pink hair.

"I mean, a really lousy dog." Big Mac finished.

"Well considering he's never been a dog before..." The pegasus giggled before noticing Cheeso. "Oh, hello. Is this Cheeso?" She turned to Big Mac.

"Yup. Cheeso this is Fluttershy, a friend of my sister's. She runs this dog sanctuary and also takes care of other pets." Big Mac smiled, for some reason not surprised to see Cheeso.

Then again, he was wearing his poncho and hat so maybe he already knew that Cheeso learned the truth the hard way...

"Oh...hi there..." Cheeso said awkwardly. "Hey listen, Big Mac, you know, what I said to you back at the diner, that-that...I didn't really-"

Big Mac cut him off by raising his hoof.

"So, you tired of being a dog?" He asked.

"Yes!" Cheeso sobbed.

"Then let's go. See you later Fluttershy."

"See you, I'd help but there's no one else to look after my dogs." She smiled.

"No sweat, we understand."

"Yeah, actually given what Suri's like it probably would be best if you stayed behind." Cheeso considered.

"Really?" Big Mac said. "I mean I know she wants to kill you but-"

"And she's scary beyond all reason, has a 'secret lab' full of potions..."

"Okay, good points."

"Oh dear, I hope you both will be okay." Fluttershy said concernedly.

"Don't worry, as long as we get to the palace first and turn Cheeso back into a human she shouldn't be able to do anything to us. He does have all those guards after all." Big Mac reassured her.

"Right." Cheeso nodded.

"Okay, but good luck to you both anyway." Fluttershy said.

"Thanks." Big Mac smiled before hurrying away. "Come on Cheeso, we're going back to my village first. If we will have to deal with Suri, we'd better get some supplies."

"Good idea." Cheeso nodded as he ran after big Mac.


	11. False Relations

They ran all the way to Big Mac's village until they neared two Earth ponies playing chess.

"Hey there Big Mac, hey you know you just missed your relatives." One of them said.

Big Mac and Cheeso stopped.

"My relatives?" Big Mac said with confusion, knowing that his relatives would always contact him first before arriving.

"Yeah we just sent them up to your house." The second Earth pony said.

Big Mac was now worried, because all of his relatives already know where he lives.

"What did they look like?" He asked.

"Well you see there was this big guy and this older woman who was...uh...well, how would you describe her?" The second Earth pony asked the first.

"Uh scary beyond all reason?" The first Earth pony guessed.

"Yeah that's it." The second Earth pony smiled.

Big Mac and Cheeso gave each other 'uh-oh' looks at this.

Sure enough, Cheerilee was just pouring some tea for Suri.

"So remind me again how you're related to Macintosh?" Cheerilee said suspiciously.

"Why I'm his third cousin's brother's wife's step-niece's great-aunt." Suri smiled.

Cheerilee looked at her skeptically.

"Heh, twice removed." Suri added awkwardly.

"Uh-huh." Cheerilee said disbelievingly.

"Isn't that right Bulk?" Suri asked.

Bulk however was jumping rope with Scootaloo and Apple Bloom, and so didn't hear her.

"Ninety-nine donkeys jumping on the bed." Apple Bloom smiled.

"One fell off and bumped his head." Bulk smiled.

Suri just rolled her eyes.

"You know, I am so sorry you had to come all this way, but as I said to you before, you may recall, Macintosh is not here." Cheerilee said. "I'll be sure to tell him that you came by."

"Oh, oh would you please? That would be just great." Suri knocked over her teacup on purpose, making it look as if it was an accident. "Whoops, silly me." She grinned sheepishly.

"No no, allow me." Cheerilee deadpanned before struggling to pick up the cup.

Suri took this opportunity to quickly get in the jump rope with Bulk.

"She's hiding something, when I give the signal, we search the house." She told him quietly.

"Okay but I still have ninety-four donkeys to go." Bulk said.

Suri growled to herself and cartwheeled back to her seat.

"So while we're waiting for Macintush." She said.

"Macintosh." Cheerilee corrected.

"Yeah-oh-oh-yes, um, perhaps we could have a tour of your lovely home."

"You know why don't you just come back when Macintosh gets home, I'm sure he'd love to show you-"

She suddenly noticed Big Mac gesturing to meet in the kitchen through the open top of the side door behind Suri.

"Whoa excuse me won't you? I think I left something in the oven." Cheerilee pretended to panic before rushing to the kitchen.

Now bulk was turning the ropes for both Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, having tied the freed ends to furniture.

"Now this is my variation on Double-Dutch, on the signal: we switch places." Bulk smiled.

"Bulk, it's time." Suri frowned impatiently.

"Okay!" Bulk quickly moved Suri so that she was now turning the ropes for Bulk as well as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo.

Obviously, Suri was not amused.

Meanwhile, Big Mac was finishing explaining everything to Cheerilee.

"...So we have to get back to the palace, find the lab, and change him back." He said.

"Hi there!" Cheeso appeared in a window.

Startled, Cheerilee hit him in the face with a frying pan.

"Um...that was him." Big Mac winced.

"Whoops." Cheerilee deadpanned, truthfully not minding her slip-up since she was still irritated with him for not seeing Big Mac after having called him dow to the palace (okay so Big Mac didn't exactly explain **everything**...).

Around this point, Suri managed to break free to start searching the house but she wasn't alone. Scootaloo was jumping rope near her.

"You know what, I don't believe you're really my great-aunt." Scootaloo said. "You're more like my great-great-great..."

"Go, I'll stall them long enough for you two to get a head start." Cheerilee told Big Mac as he prepared to leave with Cheeso through the kennels (which had an entrance to the house in the back for rainy days).

"Thanks honey." Big Mac gave her a quick kiss before running off, though he had to double-back to grab Cheeso.

"You have a lovely wife, they're both very pretty." Cheeso said dazedly, still stunned from the frying pan.

"...Great-great-great-great-great-great-" Scootaloo continued.

"All right! Are you through?" Suri interrupted, more than annoyed.

"...Great-great-aunt." Scootaloo finished after a pause.

"So, where were we?" Cheerilee entered the room.

"Listen sister, we're not leaving until-" Suri demanded.

"I show you the house, of course." Cheerilee interrupted, forcing Suri on a tour.

"Hey was it a good idea to leave your family with those two?" Cheeso, now recovered, asked Big Mac concernedly.

"Oh don't worry, they can handle themselves." Big Mac reassured him.

Sure enough, Cheerilee, Apple Bloom, and Scootaloo had tricked Suri and Bulk into getting locked into a pantry.

"What do you mean the door is stuck?" Cheerilee asked innocently as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo struggled to hide their giggles. "Try jiggling the handle."

"There is no handle in here!" Suri snapped.

"There's not? Are you sure?" Cheerilee held the handle in her hoof as she innocently smirked to Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, who were having a harder time hiding their giggles.

"All right, I've had enough of this: tell us where the talking dog is and we'll burn your house to the ground!" Suri demanded.

"Um, don't you mean 'or'?" Bulk pointed out.

Suri growled with frustration.

"Tell us where the talking dog is OR we'll burn your house to the ground!" She demanded angrily.

"Well which is it? That seems like a pretty crucial conjuction." Apple Bloom replied.

Suri really had enough.

"That's it Bulk, break the door down!" She ordered.

"Break it down, are you kidding me? This is hand-carved mahogany." Bulk scoffed.

"I don't care you fool, get out of my way! I'll break it down myself!" Suri snapped. "One!"

"Okay kids, you know what to do." Cheerilee smiled knowingly.

Apple Bloom and Scootaloo gave each other big smiles, having been looking forward to this.

"Two!" Suri said.

"Right mom!" They replied before rushing off.

"Three!" Suri attempted to break the door down just as Cheerilee replaced the handle and opened the door.

She ran, slipped on the floor Scootaloo just waxed, hit her head on the top half of the front door as Apple Bloom opened the bottom, landed in a wheelbarrow, rolled down the hill into a hive Scootaloo held up, got covered in honey in the process, hit a pillow Apple Bloom held up, and hit a rock causing her to soar through the air.

"Okay children." A mare under a tree smiled to five blindfolded foals holding sticks. "On your mark, get set..."

Suri suddenly replaced the piñata that was hanging from the tree.

"Go!" The mare said.

The foals whacked Suri repeatedly, making her cry out with pain.

"Stop it you little brats!" She demanded before noticing hoofprints...and pawprints. "There they go Bulk, they're getting away!" She called out.

"Well I had a great time, let's not wait until the next family reunion to get together." Bulk smiled to Cheerilee, who actually smiled back and nodded.

"BULK!"

"I, uh, I gotta run." Bulk rushed over to save Suri from the piñata sticks.

Big Mac and Cheeso rushed through the jungles and paths on the way to the palace, their path marked by red rectangular dots. Bulk - carrying Suri in the backpack-tent again - also rushed through the jungles and paths...and they both noticed red rectangles dotting the ground. Confused, they looked back and saw that they were leaving behind purple triangles along the ground. Not being able to think of an explanation for this, they just shrugged to each other.

 _Okay, what's the deal with the colorful shapes, seriously?_

I'm just adding more humor to the story Cheeso.

 _Ugh, fine fine..._

Anyway, Big Mac and Cheeso continued on until they reached a cliff but luckily they were prepared. Big Mac attached a rope to an arrow and fired it to the other side, allowing them to slide along it much like a zip-line. They then noticed Suri and Bulk nearing, so Cheeso bit the rope off the arrow to slow them down. However they had their own tricks: it turns out the backpack-tent was also a kite, pull a string and wings popped out of the top. They soared through the air...until lightning struck them down. Lighting from a solitary storm cloud.


	12. Difficult Choices

Big Mac and Cheeso made it all the way to the palace without any more events or delays. The 'secret lab' however...

"Okay, why does she even have that lever?" Cheeso frowned, kicking the gator off his tail.

This time Big Mac pulled the right lever and they went down the roller coaster...even ending up in the lab coats at the bottom, though in ones that didn't fit them at all. They quickly tossed them off and searched amongst Suri's potions on the table.

"What does it look like?" Big Mac asked.

"I don't know, just keep looking." Cheeso said.

Big Mac did until found a cabinet full of animal transformation potions.

"Cheeso, over here." He said. "It has to be one of these."

Cheeso joined him and they searched the shelves.

"Lions...tigers...bears..." Big Mac named the ones he saw, but when he reached where the pony potions were supposed to be, he saw that it was empty!

"Oh my, looking for this?" Suri grinned triumphantly, holding a lone potion vial.

"No, it can't be, how did you get back here before us?" Cheeso asked.

Suri opened her mouth to explain, then closed it with a confused look.

"How did we Bulk?" She asked.

"Well you got me." Bulk shrugged as he pulled down the map showing their earlier paths. "By all accounts it doesn't make sense."

"Oh well, back to business." Suri decided to drop the subject.

"Okay, I admit it, maybe I wasn't as nice as I should've been, but Suri...do you really want to kill me?" Cheeso still found it hard to believe.

"Just think of it as: you're being let go, that your life is going in a different direction, that your body is part of a permanent outplacement." Suri grinned evilly.

"Hey, that's kinda like what he said to you when he got fired." Bulk pointed out with amusement.

"I know, it's called a cruel irony." Suri explained slightly-irritatedly before muttering: "Like my dependence on you."

"I can't believe this is happening!" Cheeso cried.

"Then I bet you weren't expecting this!" Suri started to pull up her skirt.

"NOOO! PLEASE NO!" Cheeso begged as he and Big Mac looked away with disgust.

"Aha!" Suri revealed a dagger strapped to her leg.

"Oh, okay." Cheeso said with relief as he and Big Mac relaxed.

"Finish them off." Suri tossed the dagger to Bulk.

Bulk hesitated.

"Not gonna back down now are you big guy?" His shoulder devil appeared.

However the other shoulder remained bare.

"Uh, where's the other guy?" Bulk asked.

The shoulder angel now appeared under a salon's hair dryer.

"Yo!" Bulk said impatiently.

The shoulder angel quickly stood up and replaced his curlers with his halo.

"Sorry I'm late, so what'd I miss?" He asked.

"Well Suri just tossed me this knife and asked me to, you know, take them out, and then this guy popped up, and then we waited for you, and quite honestly-" Bulk explained.

Suri pointed to Bulk while looking at Big Mac and Cheeso with bewilderment, and Big Mac and Cheeso shrugged back.

"Bulk!" She snapped. "Why did I think you could do this, this one simple thing? It's like I'm talking to a donkey!"

"Whoa now." Bulk's shoulder angel said.

"A really really big stupid donkey named Bulk."

"Ouch." Bulk's shoulder devil frowned.

"And do you want to know something else? I've never liked your spinach puffs!" Suri was irritated enough to admit this bit.

Bulk and his shoulder angel and devil gasped with shock.

"Never!" Suri emphasized.

Bulk started to whimper as his shoulder angel patted his cheek comfortingly. His shoulder devil however cocked his gun.

"That's it, she's going down." He glared.

"Now now remember guys: from above, the wicked shall receive their just reward." Bulk's shoulder angel said.

All three of them looked up and saw a candle chandelier hanging above Suri.

"That'll work." They said.

Bulk then cut the rope that held the chandelier up, causing it to fall on Suri! Big Mac and Cheeso froze with horror...only for it to turn out that Suri was so thin the middle of the chandelier slipped over her without harming her.

"Strange, that usually works." Bulk said confusedly.

"And so does this!" Suri went over to a potion bottle and tipped it, revealing it to actually be a hidden lever that opened through a trapdoor.

"Ah, should've seen that coming." Bulk remarked before falling through the trapdoor.

His shoulder angel and shoulder devil grabbed onto each other before falling through the trapdoor as well.

Big Mac took this opportunity to take the human potion vial away from Suri, but she quickly reacted and hopped onto his back trying to take the vial back.

"Give me that vial!" She demanded.

The vial suddenly popped out of Big Mac's grasp, but he dove and caught it in time. Suri however jumped on top of him causing him to lose his grip and allowing her to catch the vial. Having enough, Cheeso head-butted her into the cabinet of vials causing her to lose her grip. Big Mac and Cheeso ran after the vial, but Suri grinned and hit the cabinet causing more vials to fall around the human potion one. Big Mac and Cheeso desperately looked at the vials, but none of them gave a single clue as to what animal essence they contained.

"Oops, clumsy me." Suri grinned as she pulled a cord causing an alarm to go off. "Which one, which one? Better hurry, I'm expecting company."

Three doors opened opened to reveal twelve guards! Big Mac and Cheeso grew even more worried.

"Kill them, they murdered the emperor!" Suri ordered.

The guards charged in for the attack!

"Wait stop, I'm the emperor! It's me Cheeso!" Cheeso panicked, but the guards continued charging. "They're not listening to me!"

"Just take 'em all!" Big Mac gathered all the vials into the pocket of his poncho.

They then started to leave, when Big Mac got the idea to kick a table loaded with potions down. The potions exploded around the guards, turning them into various animals.

"Get them!" Suri barked, losing patience.

"Hey I've been turned into a cow, can I go home?" One guard asked.

"You're excused." Suri gave in before glaring. "Anyone else?"

"No no, we're good." The other guards said randomly.

"Get them!"

Big Mac and Cheeso rushed down some stairs as the guards chased after them.

"Gotta change you back...try this one!" Big Mac said.

Cheeso took it, and turned into a tortoise.

"Uh, Big Mac, a little help here?" He said.

Big Mac doubled back to grab Cheeso before the guards could reach him. They continued running eventually resorting to sliding down a banister simply to avoid an ax from one of the guards. They spotted more guards at the bottom of the staircase.

"Oh please be something with wings." Big Mac said before giving Cheeso another vial.

They soared into the air...

"Yeah we're flyin'!" Cheeso said triumphantly.

...Only to find out the hard way that Cheeso only turned into a little parrot. They fell to the ground and Big Mac quickly grabbed Cheeso who was still dazed from the fall. He recovered quickly however.

"We're not getting anywhere with you picking the vials, I'm picking the next one!" Cheeso said impatiently.

"Fine by me!" Big Mac retorted.

"Give me that one!"

Big Mac did, and Cheeso turned into a whale.

"Don't you say a word." Cheeso glared warningly.

The path they were on now started to break, for it was a bridge spanning across a canal. They fell into the water.

"Quick, drain the canals!" Suri ordered.

"Open up!" Big Mac said after they reached the surface.

Cheeso swallowed the potion...

"Yay I'm a dog again!" He cheered before pausing for a second. "Wait..."

The canals then were drained, causing them to fall down a whirlpool that lead outside the palace...hilariously out of the nose part of the palace, due to it being shaped like a head with a headdress. Big Mac and Cheeso managed to grab onto the edge at the bottom, saving them from getting hurt.

"There they go, after them!" Suri ordered.

"Come on men, nobody lives forever!" One guard said before they jumped in...and fell to their deaths, even missing Big Mac and Cheeso due to them having already started to climb the outside of the palace.

Frustrated with the guards' stupidity, Suri grabbed a nearby banner and used it to safely lower herself down the hole.

"Okay, only two left, it's gotta be one of these!" Big Mac said after he and Cheeso rested on a wide edge.

Suri then propelled herself upward and kicked Big Mac and Cheeso aside, causing Big Mac to drop the two vials. Cheeso and Suri made a run for them at the same time and landed on them, causing one to explode! Suri laughed evilly...only to realize that she turned into a cute little kitten.

"I'll take that." Cheeso smiled smugly, grabbing the lone vial.

"This is the one, this'll change you back into a human." Big Mac smiled.

Cheeso started to open the vial with his teeth, when Suri the kitten leapt on him and attacked him with her claws. Big Mac reached to help Cheeso, only to get scratched in the process. Startled from the pain, Big Mac lost his balance and fell nearly grabbing one of the 'eyes' of the palace in time! Having enough, Cheeso slammed Suri against the wall using his head. He then looked at Big Mac worriedly.

"Drink the potion!" Big Mac called.

"Okay okay-" Cheeso agreed only to find that his paw was empty. "Where'd it go? Where is it?" He panicked.

"Looking for this?" Suri held up the vial...in a high-pitched voice, much to her shock. "Is that my voice? Is that **my** voice? Oh well."

"No no, don't drop it!" Cheeso pleaded.

"I'm not going to drop it you fool, I'm going to drink it!" Suri looked at him as if he was stupid. "And then once I turn back into my beautiful self I'm going to **kill you**!" She laughed evilly...only to find out that she couldn't pry the cork out of the vial.

Desperate, she tried breaking the vial up to the point of slamming it against the floor, only to cause it to bounce off, bounce off the wall, and fall! She made a desperate leap for it, only to realize that she had just made a stupid move.

"Uh-oh." She said before falling.

The vial merely rolled along the carved parts of the outside of the palace before resting, and Cheeso desperately went after it. Big Mac however was starting to lose his grip...

"Cheeso!" He cried desperately.

"Be right there, give me a minute!" Cheeso quickly replied before struggling to reach the vial.

"CHEESO! WHOA!" Big Mac became even more desperate.

Cheeso continued trying to get the vial...

"CHEESO!" Big Mac cried one last time before starting to fall...only to be saved by Cheeso just in time! "The vial!" Big Mac then said.

Too late, the vial fell. Suri was still falling as well.

"For the last time, we did not order a giant trampoline!" A guard at the bottom of the palace told a trampoline deliveryman irritatedly.

"You know pal, you could've told me that before I set it up." The deliveryman retorted.

At that point, Suri landed in the trampoline and was shot into the air, much to the guard and deliveryman's confusion.

Suri continued yelling until she caught the falling vial, at which point she started laughing triumphantly...until she slammed into the underside of a carving, causing her to lose her grip on the vial. The vial landed at the top of a carving that resembled a straight cliff...

"The vial! You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?" Big Mac smiled knowingly to Cheeso, who smiled knowingly back.

They did the 'walk up the cliff' move that saved them from the bridge incident, until Big Mac was just within reach of the vial. However before he could grab it, Suri grabbed it instead!

"I win." She grinned...only to get walloped by an opening round door, causing her to lose her grip on the vial again.

"Whoa!" Bulk marveled, who was the one who had opened the door. "What're the odds of that trapdoor leading me out here?"

"Got it!" Big Mac said as he caught the vial.

They then climbed onto a safe part of the carvings and hugged and laughed with relief...only to pull away awkwardly.

"Uh here, let me get that for you." Big Mac opened the vial and gave it to Cheeso.

"Well see ya on the other side." Cheeso smiled before drinking the potion.


	13. The New Groove

Later on, Big Mac sadly looked at the model of his house while Cheeso chatted with the old stallion he had tossed out the window at the beginning of the story.

"Oh now, you-you-you stop being so hard on yourself, all is forgiven." The old stallion smiled.

"You're sure?" Cheeso double-checked.

"Oh it's not the first time I was tossed out a window, and it won't be the last. What can I say, I'm a rebel." The old stallion playfully made a fighting stance and punched Cheeso's arm.

"Whoa easy there tiger, hey I gotta use that arm later." Cheeso chuckled. "Okay buddy take care. Heh, he's a sweet guy..."

Cheeso noticed Big Mac looking at the model, and went over to him.

"So you lied to me." He said.

"I did?" Big Mac said with confusion.

"Yeah, you said when the sun hits this ridge just right these hills sing. Well pal I was dragged all over those hills and I did not hear any singing."

Big Mac was still a bit confused at first, until he realized what Cheeso was doing.

"So I will be building my summer home on a more magical hill, thank you." Cheeso took the model of Cheesotopia off the model of the hill and gestured for the model of Big Mac's house.

"Couldn't pull the wool over your eyes huh?" He chuckled as he gave Cheeso the model of his house.

"No no I'm sharp, I'm on it." Cheeso said as he placed the model of Big Mac's house back on the model of the hill. "Looks like you and your family are stuck on the Tuneless Hilltop forever pal."

Big Mac smiled as Cheeso sat down next to him, and then got an idea.

"You know, I'm pretty sure I heard some singing on the hill next to us. Case you're interested." He suggested.

Cheeso did end up interested, but instead of building Cheesotopia he simply used his model as a birdhouse and had a simple shack built on the hill.

"Ha, boom baby!" Cheeso burst out his new summer home.

"Ha, boom baby!" Big Mac burst out of his house.

They both ran down the hill until they leapt into a waterfall-slide into a pond where all the kids were swimming.

You'd be the coolest dude in the nation  
Or the hippest cat in creation  
But if you ain't got friends then nothing's worth the fuss

A perfect world will come to be  
When everybody here can see  
That a perfect world begins and ends  
A perfect world begins and ends  
A perfect world begins and ends with us!

Cheeso then got out of the pond, dried himself off, and Cheerilee - with her newborn colt on her back - handed him a poncho of his own with a dog on it. Touched, he hugged her and she returned the hug, then Big Mac hugged them both, then everyone, even the theme song guy, got in the scene.

"Big Mac, thanks to you this is the best birthday I ever had." Cheeso grinned.

"Oh it's not over yet." Big Mac smiled.

At that moment an orange Earth pony with blonde hair showed up.

"Everything's ready Big Mac." She grinned.

"Thank you Applejack." Big Mac smiled back.

"What is ready?" Cheeso asked with confusion.

Instead of answering, Big Mac and Applejack led him to a clearing...

"SURPRISE!" A pink Earth pony with poofy hair appeared out of nowhere.

In the clearing was the decor and food for a party!

"Happy Birthday Cheeso!" The pink pony grinned.

Cheeso dropped his mouth open. No one had ever thrown him a real surprise party before (the ones he had in the past he set up himself, so he had to fake his surprise).

"This...this is amazing!" He beamed.

"Thank you." The pink pony grinned before heading to the snack table. "Now come on over and try the punch!"

"She set up the whole thing?" Cheeso turned to Big Mac.

"Eeyup." Big Mac nodded.

"This is our cousin Pinkie Pie, she throws parties for a living." Applejack explained.

"Ah." Cheeso nodded before going over to try the punch, which turned out to taste amazing.

They all enjoyed the food during the party, as well as the games Pinkie set-up. Cheeso couldn't remember having had so much fun before...and he had never met a mare as pretty as Pinkie before.

"Pinkie, this has been the best party ever!" Cheeso grinned after the party is over. "From now on you are my official party planner, though you can still throw parties outside the palace."

"Really? I'd love that, I've always wanted to throw a party at the palace." Pinkie smiled.

"I'm glad, though I wish I had known about you sooner."

"It's okay, at least we know each other now."

"Heh, true."

And that was the start of a close friendship between Cheeso and Pinkie. A friendship that would gradually become something more.

Oh and Bulk? Bulk became the new Junior Chipmunk Scout Leader with Bucky the squirrel as his sidekick/partner.

"My acorn is missing." He said.

"Squeak squeakin', squeak squeakity." His class, including Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, said.

"Did you eat the acorn?" Bulk said.

"Squeaker squeak squeak squeakin'."

"You owe me a new acorn."

"Squeak squeak squeak squeaker-" His class stopped upon realizing that one member of their troop was not participating...and said member was Suri still in kitten-form.

One of the troop members nudged her as he and the others held up acorns, and she gave in.

"Squeakin'." Suri finished reluctantly.

"I'm so proud of you guys." Bulk smiled, wiping a tear.


End file.
